COURAGE

I saw A Perfect Circle, Dawes, and Little Dragon last week. I would have taken a few pictures, because I was extremely close for the last two (and the colors were gorgeous), but I couldn’t be like those people.

Those people that aggressively squeeze in front of you 15 min. before the show starts after you’ve been planted in your place for two hours. Those people that proceed to document the entire show in shaky, mostly impermanent videos with their screens’ brightness turned high. Those people that summon their extremely tall friend up to stand directly in front of you, as if their phones weren’t impeding your perfect view enough, as though you weren’t already crawling in your skin with anxiety and frustration.

Things have been rough lately. Rougher than what has become the baseline. Allergies have been hell, my mouth is still recovering from having a tooth pulled (a traumatic ordeal in which I underestimated), and I’m convinced I’ve been fighting something off for the past week and finally have the fever to show for it. I’ve documented scarcely by pen and photograph as a result of this.

Post Dawes- my mom fastening the Giving Keys necklace she gave me that says “COURAGE”.

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There were a couple of days that I felt ok before the tooth extraction and started brainstorming my new zine: Prophets of Lava. For now it can be described as a dive into a manic depressive brain on acid. Not sure where that will take me but open to the flood of ideas and potential.

img_0954[An unfinished comic.]

Charlotte’s wedding ceremony was Sunday, and it came together splendidly. I’m making a video for her and Zac as a gift, and it will be my first time back in the editor’s chair since my early teens.

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Thankful that every one of my ailments took a back seat that day.

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Soundtrack: Sound & Color – Alabama Shakes

Are you ready, boots?

The witch’s brew is working. It’s the most difficult thing I’ve ever consumed but getting easier because I know what benefits are in store.

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Unlike the ~fifteen dedicated bikers who showed up to the Atlanta Streets Alive Bicycle Parade today in the pouring rain, I attended because:

A) I’m usually out of town when they have this event (in my neighborhood)

B) I took off work for this

C) I wanted an excuse to debut my umbrella hat

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I was the only one who stayed true to the Funkadelic theme without employing a poncho or extensive rain gear. It was exhilarating until an hour and a half into it when the rain was the heaviest, the wind stung, and my boots were filled with water and soggy socks.

Afterwards went to Serenbe with my mom and laughed the entire time.

[RULE OF THIRDS at AIR Serenbe]

[The Farmhouse at Serenbe]

Had a sleepover with matching Chewie night gowns. His mouth opens up to a fairly large pocket that would be great to store snacks and Super Snoozes.

I began playing around with my Canon camcorder today and can already tell it’s going to be a heap of fun, among other things.

My imaginary friends had bizarre names when I was a child. Jal. Hour. I asked my mom today if she could recall any of the others that I was forgetting.

She said, with great surprise while remembering, that one of them was Phoebe.

Soundtrack: These Boots Are Made For Walkin’ – Nancy Sinatra

Relentless

Haven’t felt much like journaling.

(Or kickboxing. Or attending meetings.) 

However, this week wasn’t completely lost upon me.

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A mushroom came and went.

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I learned an aesthetically pleasing new way to make juice.

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Finally experienced (directed) my first Jeju photo shoot. A Korean woman swiftly and forcefully put my hair in a bun, and I felt awkward- like I should tip her, but I was butt naked, and had no cash.

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Bought (and promptly wore) matching Penguin clearance shirts. I liked the shirts because of the graphic. Donovan liked the shirts because they were on sale. Receiving plenty of yin-yang/black & white/balance symbolism lately, for the record.

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Celebrated Blick Atlanta’s birthday with BOGO sketchbooks and by spinning the prize wheel and winning a sketchbook.

img_0758[Cindy’s Herbs on Buford Hwy.]

Witch doctor recommended me to his witch doctor who bagged up some herbs for me to boil a stinky brew. I begin in the morning.

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Borrowed Charlotte’s lipstick only to take it off too soon. It makes me want to wear my lavender fishnet Zenon, Girl of the 21st Century dress and finally commit to dying my hair purple. We’re shooting her second video tomorrow at one of my favorite places in the city (Top Secret.) Going with a pastel goth/witchy theme. Needless to say, Mama is stoked.

(Not pictured) Shira Erlichman speaking at UWG this evening, destigmatizing mental illness and sharing her beautiful poetry and recent art and musings from her residency at AIR Serenbe this month. Listened to S-Town podcast on the long drive to and from the university. Grateful for my spirit guides and their relentless communication.

Grateful for my mom who wants to go by “Mum” once my nephew is born.

Grateful for my dad who is gifting me with my first video camera and still has to remind me to get my oil changed.

Grateful for you, you who took the time to read this.

Soundtrack: Rhinestone Eyes – Gorillaz

Charlotte

Here is a woman who inspires me. She is supporting herself as a freelance artist, in complete creative control of her career and path. She is the most talented person I know in every medium she pursues from pottery to circus arts. Today I watched her juggle a myriad of tasks all the while planning her wedding. And she’s doing it all her way.

img_0273(The owl that hangs above my couch? She drew that.)

Her name is Charlotte, and she is my sister.

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I look forward to seeing the finished product of her hooping submission video we finished today (Disco Lady!), and I’m thrilled to be a part of her wedding next month.

To my soul mate: I know you’re out there. It’s been one hell of a ride, but it’s only the beginning, and I know I’m getting closer to you. And more importantly, I’m ready for you. Here’s quite possibly the dress I’m going to wear to our wedding in New Orleans one fine October day, and it belonged to my mother. 
Don’t laugh.

Soundtrack: Hey Mami – Sylvan Esso

Sweet eyes

Healing and hurting have intersected and coincided for a while. Phoebe loves when I clean her face, and I will cherish the memory of her head rested in one hand, relaxed and comforted while I wipe and brush the dirt away with the other, those sweet eyes looking up to me as if to say, “Thank you. I love you.”

Soundtrack: Lost In My Mind – The Head and the Heart

Good omen

Saturday morning

It was a lovely surprise seeing some of my brother’s friends that we grew up with at his housewarming party. Anthony is the only person other than myself whose instinct is to hold Phoebe like this.

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Sacred Mondays are for opening windows, listening to the rain falling, and couch cuddles. Started pre-writing What Phoebe Taught Me, and the pain I experienced is a testament to why I’ve been putting it off.

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I discovered Brené Brown recently, researcher and storyteller on shame and vulnerability, and how that relates to self-worth and addiction. In true Cayce fashion I spent most of yesterday watching her videos on YouTube. In her first TEDTalk, she says “not my first rodeo,” a favorite saying of mine and Nikkie’s. In her second talk, she says “like an action figure,” also an inside joke my best friends have. In the third video I viewed, she wore an owl necklace. I love a good omen.

The connections she has made in her life’s research feel like the final piece to the puzzle. I’ve found my muse.

Soundtrack: Today – Zero 7