Charlotte

Here is a woman who inspires me. She is supporting herself as a freelance artist, in complete creative control of her career and path. She is the most talented person I know in every medium she pursues from pottery to circus arts. Today I watched her juggle a myriad of tasks all the while planning her wedding. And she’s doing it all her way.

img_0273(The owl that hangs above my couch? She drew that.)

Her name is Charlotte, and she is my sister.

img_0682img_0697-1
I look forward to seeing the finished product of her hooping submission video we finished today (Disco Lady!), and I’m thrilled to be a part of her wedding next month.

To my soul mate: I know you’re out there. It’s been one hell of a ride, but it’s only the beginning, and I know I’m getting closer to you. And more importantly, I’m ready for you. Here’s quite possibly the dress I’m going to wear to our wedding in New Orleans one fine October day, and it belonged to my mother. 
Don’t laugh.

Soundtrack: Hey Mami – Sylvan Esso

Sweet eyes

Healing and hurting have intersected and coincided for a while. Phoebe loves when I clean her face, and I will cherish the memory of her head rested in one hand, relaxed and comforted while I wipe and brush the dirt away with the other, those sweet eyes looking up to me as if to say, “Thank you. I love you.”

Soundtrack: Lost In My Mind – The Head and the Heart

Good omen

Saturday morning

It was a lovely surprise seeing some of my brother’s friends that we grew up with at his housewarming party. Anthony is the only person other than myself whose instinct is to hold Phoebe like this.

baby

Sacred Mondays are for opening windows, listening to the rain falling, and couch cuddles. Started pre-writing What Phoebe Taught Me, and the pain I experienced is a testament to why I’ve been putting it off.

img_0553
I discovered Brené Brown recently, researcher and storyteller on shame and vulnerability, and how that relates to self-worth and addiction. In true Cayce fashion I spent most of yesterday watching her videos on YouTube. In her first TEDTalk, she says “not my first rodeo,” a favorite saying of mine and Nikkie’s. In her second talk, she says “like an action figure,” also an inside joke my best friends have. In the third video I viewed, she wore an owl necklace. I love a good omen.

The connections she has made in her life’s research feel like the final piece to the puzzle. I’ve found my muse.

Soundtrack: Today – Zero 7

Recovery is not linear

My chiropractor/acupuncturist/witch doctor told me I’ve been clenching my jaw again. Holding onto anger (duh) but also chewing on a decision that I need to make.

My last three tarot readings have been dominated by the “take action/make the decision already” message as well. 

Now on the precipice of a purge, I’m drained and contemplative on my couch.  

I’m going back to school. Taking my recovery and Phoebe’s decline one day at a time.  Brainstorming my future moves constantly. What is this decision the universe speaks of??

Guess it’s time to write that damn book. 

atlff

Soundtrack: Ultralight Beam – Kanye West

Awake

Coffee. Herbal cigarettes. Journal. I’m living the life I’ve always dreamed of and never knew.

My house is full of plants and magickal candles and thrift store treasures. I’m writing on a daily basis, and my usage of mugwort in oils and cigarettes has enhanced my creative inspiration. I can’t seem to document the ideas and messages fast enough electronically or within my many notebooks.

I’m going to be a film student at Georgia State! I’m awake after a 12 year coma. I love who I’ve become.

Grateful for what Phoebe taught me.

[Featured: Kibbee Gallery, my house, and SGCI Atlanta Conference, Spring 2017 – eyedrum and Murmur]

Soundtrack: Rigamortus – Kendrick Lamar

Rebel, Rebel

One of the many unusual things my other half, Nikkie, and I have in common is that we wear what she dubbed “wacky vacation outfits” when we go out of town, representing an opportunity to be whoever you want to be in a new city and not having the same requirements or insecurities as you would in your regular day-to-day.

I’ve started a new trend recently of wearing my wacky vacation outfits around town when I’m doing things out of the ordinary. Of course I get more compliments when I’m dressed randomly.

While getting dressed today, I realized that I wore green every day this week.

Except today.

Some things never change.